Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
