Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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