So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
