She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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