She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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