bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
