woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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