I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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