I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
