I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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