i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just high enough for therapy.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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