the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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