LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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