The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
