sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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