I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
