who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize