A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
