I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I would ride that face into the sunset
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
