PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
