i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
