I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
