so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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