I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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