Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
