You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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