you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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