I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
