the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
