Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
