Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
