I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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