I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
