If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
