come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
