when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
