Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
