my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
