never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
