He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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