why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
