I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
