Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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