sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
