Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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