It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
