You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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