K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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