he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You took a bar mat shot.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
