She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
