I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
