Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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