Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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