She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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