If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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