I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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