I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
