Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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