hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
