He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
