Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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