She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
