I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
