Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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