Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
