I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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