First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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