if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
