The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
