I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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