I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
