He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is wine microwaveable?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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