i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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