did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
