Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
